A Woman Reborn A Intimate Letter From Our Director Detailing her Journey to Starting SFAS

A woman reborn

Long before I started this business I was a young 18-year-old dreamer who traveled from Atlanta to San Bernardino California for a job selling books door to door. The bus ride was long and quite interesting to say the least, I mean have you ever traveled across country by greyhound? Whew. But I was happy with the world at my feet and of the adventures ahead.

The night I arrived the company quickly filled me in on what I was to be doing to sell these books. I fit in very quickly in the sales business and was meeting so many interesting people. One particular employee caught my attention, and when I realized the company I was selling for was a scam, I asked him to leave with me. I remember whispering to myself, ‘’If he loves me he will come.’’ He did. Romantic, right?

We traveled back to Atlanta where we began a relationship and four months later I was pregnant. We moved swiftly to Charlotte NC to stay with his mom who very supportive. It was during this time that I really began to know Him, he was very particular, neat, doted often and loved to cut grass. I really felt like I scored a great man. I would be ok.

Just before the baby was to be born, a son, stress consumed us. We fought daily, he drank daily, and I had a problem with it. We were at total odds. We fought the entire time I was at the hospital in delivery and even after. When we returned home it only continued to worsen. One night he got so drunk he struck me and the baby, slapped me several times and threatened to end my life.

In the few days that passed, I called my mother. We all do. However, the relationship with my mother was strained. I knew her a total of 5 years in my childhood. She was hardly there, but I thought she could be someone to talk to in this time of uncertainty. She convinced me to move to Louisiana and leave him. It took her several days to drive to Charlotte and when she arrived, He and I were on good terms. She wanted us to work it out, and for him to come along as well. So, we all traveled to Louisiana with her.

We had some hiccups but we were more united than ever. He got a stable job. We got our own place as a family got married, and even decided to have another baby! We had another son. We started going to church and I was taking classes for medical billing. He had stopped drinking and we were happy on the outside.

Then he lost his job while I was pregnant with our third, a baby girl. And Sh!t. Hit. The. Fan. Police were called almost weekly, and our oldest had just been diagnosed with Autism. By this time, I was working on my degree in business and raising the kids, took several sales jobs and kept us afloat for a while, but it was not enough, soon me supporting my family became accusations of affairs and people of the church were foolish. Nothing was right in his eyes and to this day I know it stemmed from insecurity within him. He started drinking, more than before. Staying up late at night just fuming. He became harder and harder to be around as the baby girls birth was drawing closer.

Once I had her I still believed that we were going to make it. Over the years, I had fallen in love with who I saw him as. I wasn’t ready to give up. even when all the signs pointed otherwise. I still had hope. We had outgrown our little 2 bedroom and used money we saved to purchase a house and some land we moved in June. Within the month, I was pinned to the floor with his hands around my neck.

All went dark and I woke up outside with him sitting next to me, I had forgotten my name and many other things for several hours. I quietly knew it was the end. It took me several months to leave and when I did September 11th, 2014, It was hard. But I knew it was the right thing to do.

It was very hard for me. I loved him but I loved my kids more. The more I researched domestic violence the more I knew I did the right thing. I reached out to the community and I was not alone, I gathered testimonies of other women who escaped Domestic violence, turned it into a book, and it was spreading like wildfire.

So why did I give him my new address and spend a weekend trying to work it out? Years later the only reason I could think of is our fourth child a baby girl. Making 2 boys and 2 girls. Long before I learned of the surprise pregnancy, I had decided it was a mistake. Finally assured there was nothing left. When I found out, I realized the few steps back I had taken were going to be a challenge to overcome, but I was Ready. I didn’t even let him know I was pregnant. I just left Louisiana with my kids and a bag of clothes.

No longer would I cave to the pressure. No longer would I allow the so-called fear of failing derail me off the course of my destiny. I knew what I had to do to finally break free of him and the person I was with him. I had to go back, to go forward.

We slept in my trailblazer for several nights before a spot opened at a shelter in my hometown Gainesville GA. I got a new job, a home and had the baby girl. I went against the odds and started my Cremation Art company Set Free at Sea and released my third book in my career.

They see their father about once a year, but he is still struggling with the demons inside of him. I date but I am focusing on showing my kids what an overcomer is. How to love, and what is truly acceptable treatment of a spouse.

Little girls who witness abuse will most likely choose a marriage or a man that is abusive to them, and little boys who witness it, have a very good chance of becoming abusers themselves. I want better for them. More for them. I’ve never lost my hope in all of this, and I won’t be losing it anytime soon. I am truly proud of myself. I have moments where I doubt my decisions, but God makes NO mistakes and we are on this journey for a reason. Of that I am sure.

I will never forget where I have come from, but I no longer allow it to hold me back. By starting Set Free at Sea and doing all the things I carry a passion for in my heart, I have proven to myself and my kids that no matter a circumstance you CAN rise above and accomplish your dreams. Every one of them.

This is why 15% of all Set free at Seas revenue will be donated back to help other victims of Domestic Violence. Women who stand where I once stood. Fighting the fight of all fights, and growing through the journey.

We stand together and tall. I believe in you. You should too.